on life, and sketchiness.

So here's the deal. I love God. And Jesus.

And I strive to be last.

As a result, I weird people out. Jesus says this is a normal reaction; I tend to agree.

I am the odd one out. I am the sketchy one; I have no circle of friends, no girlfriend, no easy quick answer for why I'm here or where I'm going. I don't belong here.

Alone in LA, I am not busy. I honestly do have time for you; very rarely is anybody interrupting me. After many long years that were not like this, I am happy to be at such a place. If you want to talk, or need a ride, or anything, really - I will do my best.

I like life. I like sunrises and sunsets; clouds, trees, and birds. God's given me bouquets the size of fields, paintings the size of the sky, and music from oceans and crickets and everything in-between. I often get the feeling that something happens for the sole reason that I would see it and praise God and just stand in awe. I try to make sure as many people as possible get chances to do the same; it's a standing offer for anyone who'd like to just sit or walk or run with me and just take it all in.

I like people. This is probably the weirdest thing about me. People who have mocked me, deserted me, been callous towards me - I can actually be happy for them when good things come their way. I can hold a grudge with the best of them, don't get me wrong - but praise God that he's helped me avoid keeping any good record of wrongs. And how much more so for my friends - I am fiercely loyal. You probably know this already.

God has led me down an odd path. I find myself an unplanned and unfunded missionary; a broken and frail bastion of strength; a lazy and undisciplined persevere-r; a sarcastic and cynical optimist; and a lonely and independent member of the Body. He's shown me that you don't have to travel overseas to be completely out of your culture and comfort zone. And he's shown me that for those he loves, everything can still sometimes fall apart. Martyrs and saints were only doing what didn't come naturally... sometimes the greatest blessing God gives you involves taking away everything else he's given you up to this point.

So what can I say? I'm me. No, I don't have it all together; sometimes I need to just spend an afternoon reading Calvin and Hobbes, or Calvin, and Hobbes. No, I don't keep up appearances; I may feel kinda bad about heading to church in jeans and a t-shirt, but I know God sees hearts. Nope, I don't stay emotionally unattached, that's no way to live. As a good friend and I were talking about just last night, God did not say anything anywhere about 'helping those who help themselves' - rather, he came for the sick, not the well. So yep, I am dorky/sketchy/messy/awkward/broken, and I heartily recommend it. Praise God for anything that keeps you leaning on His love and that helps you see it more clearly.