localized randomness

Another week gone by...

I was very thankful for the extra day to spend relaxing, courtesy of Washington and Lincoln. It was a beautiful day, and among other activities, I finally got to see "Pan's Labyrinth" (which is kind of like "Narnia" meets "Donnie Darko" meets "Amelie," except in Spanish). Needless to say, I liked it a lot.

Also this last weekend included some quality time spent with Dave G and my fellow claremont folks - and a great Lizst/Mussorgsky piano recital courtesy of Dr. Huang. Good stuff - I've always liked those impressionist composers.


But now, to the true reason for my posting. I believe I can truly say I've left the world a better place, after a realization this morning - namely:

Yoda quotes are the perfect answer to all those questions you never want to hear.

Let me explain, by way of examples. First, a classic -

"Does this make me look fat?"

Previously, there did not exist a good answer to this question, but now, try the following:

"Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? Hmm. And well you should not."

An incredibly appropriate answer. And, the better you can do the voice, the more likely you are to have completely escaped your untimely death.


Another example, lest you still doubt:

"Shouldn't we stop and ask for directions?"
To which, one need only reply:
"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”

And of course there are more:
"Can my mother stay with us for a while?"
"Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny. "

"Have you cleaned the bathroom like I asked?"
"Around the survivors a perimeter create."

"Have you thought about where this relationship is headed?"
“Ready are you? What know you of ready? For eight hundred years have I trained Jedi. My own counsel will I keep on who is to be trained. A Jedi must have the deepest commitment, the most serious mind. This one a long time have I watched. All his life has he looked away... to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmph. Adventure. Heh. Excitement. Heh. A Jedi craves not these things. You are reckless.”

Okay, so maybe that last one was less spot-on. And maybe these are more helpful(?) to guys. But Yoda works for the ladies, too!

"So, tonight, what will I find for dinner?"
"Only what you take with you."

"Have you seen the remote?"
"Lost a planet Master Obi-wan has. How embarrassing."

"Is that a grey hair?"
"When 900 years you reach, look as good, you will not."

"How about those Bears?"
"Blind we are, if creation of this clone army we could not see."


Needless to say, I am honored to be able to bestow this wisdom on you the faithful readers.
Remember the one rule, though, if you are going to try to quote Yoda:
"Do or do not. There is no try."