Tuesday, November 28

some photos, etc.

So I decided it was about time to offload some pictures from my camera/phone. :-)
First off, Happy Belated Birthday to Martha, who is at the top, here:

And Renee, bottom-middle, has a birthday on this Friday... but shhh.

Next, some photos of my apartment, and my incredibly clean room! I am so proud of my room - thank you to my parents who were visiting and caused the massive pre-visit cleanup. It feels much nicer to live in my own room now. This first photo is my living room - it's an old photo, from before I really moved much of my stuff in...

Next, my newly-organized dresser-top of cool stuff:


Also visible from this angle...

But not this one. :-)
Lastly, some photos of clouds recently - Pasadena can be pretty, I suppose.

And congrats to these two, who are now engaged! Yay!

Tuesday, November 21

My feminine side, and more lyrics

I'm not very macho:

I've been involved in baking adventures both of the last two weekends...
I put up a collage on my wall of various cards and postcards I've received over the last year, each one from a different person, and it's by my door so I'll see them as I head out of my room each morning...
At the moment, I'm listening to "I'm Just a Girl" by No Doubt...
I've spent the evening cooking, cleaning, and folding clothes...
I have a fuzzy green sweater that is the softest sweater in the world, and I'm hoping the weather gets cooler so I can wear it...
Buying my own food is fun - it's Eggnog season again! Also, I've discovered that getting a loaf of raisin bread is worth it because when it's just me around the house, I'll toast it and eat it, whereas a normal loaf of bread lasts me long past when the bread goes stale. And what's up with me finally liking vanilla yogurt? did they just recently put flavoring in it so that it tastes good, or what? Lastly, three words: Heath Klondike Bars.


Anyhow.
My family arrives tomorrow from NorCal! Yay!

So Greg corrected me - in the last post, I mentioned him saying he was born to be in his mid-twenties - really, he believes he will be hitting his stride in his late twenties. So he has a ways to go, yet.
A friend of mine voiced the opinion that if Greg was born to be in his late twenties, perhaps I was born to be eight (playing with Lego, etc). :-) It may be so, and if so, I am long past my prime... but at least I still get to play with Lego. Besides, as C.S. Lewis said, "When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up." There are far worse fates than being perpetually an eight-year-old.


And Caedmon's Call still rocks. In the spirit of Thanksgiving:

"
You know I ran across an old box of letters
While I was bagging up some clothes for Goodwill
But you know I had to laugh that the same old struggles
That plagued me then are plaguing me still
I know the road is long from the ground to glory
But a boy can hope he's getting some place
But you see, I'm running from the very clothes I'm wearing
And dressed like this I'm fit for the chase

'Cause no, there is none righteous
Not one who understands
There is none who see God
No not one, I said no, not one

So I am thankful that I'm incapable
Of doing any good on my own

'Cause we're all stillborn and dead in our transgressions
We're shackled up to the sin we hold so dear
So what part can I play in the work of redemption
I can't refuse, I cannot add a thing

'Cause I am just like Lazarus and I can hear your voice
I stand and rub my eyes and walk to You
Because I have no choice

I am thankful that I'm incapable
Of doing any good on my own
I'm so thankful that I'm incapable
Of doing any good on my own

'Cause by grace I have been saved
Through faith that's not my own
It is a gift of God and not by works
Lest anyone should boast"

Monday, November 20

Blog-time again

I had another lovely weekend. I got to hang out with folks from work on Friday evening, and then Saturday was Greg's slightly late birthday party, and in the evening I had fun at Claremont, and then Sunday was nice and relaxing and I went with Josiah and Bart to see the new Bond film.

Where to start?

I hear the very beginning is a good place to start. About ten of us went to El Toritos after work on Friday - it'd been a long time since I just sat around a table with people having margaritas. One of them brought a friend, and since we were seated at the end of the rectangular table, I got to meet this new person. It brought into sharper relief the degree of introversion amongst my friends - she was definitely an extrovert and we traded questions back and forth - it's not often I really get grilled about who I am (besides maybe just stuff about work).

Anyhow, one of her questions was, "so, do you meditate?" My rather clumsy answer was, "well, I'm Christian, so I pray, which I guess is similar." I'm curious as to how my readers would answer that, though.
I kept thinking about the similarities and differences there. I mean, I know prayer and meditation have many differences, the chief one being that one is directed to God, and the other is just inward. But I think it's kinda silly that to most Americans, "prayer" connotes this rather formulaic and powerless thing, while "meditation" is this deep spiritual experience that really lets you get in touch with yourself and in touch with reality. Obviously, to me and hopefully to you, too, prayer is where that truly happens - where I get reminded of the reality of God and see myself rightly. It doesn't involve going into some sort of trance, and may or may not have incense or repeated phrases, which is nice, because it means that even while I'm at work, say, I can talk to Jesus while I'm cleaning glassware, and it's a refreshing time. But I really want to fight this stereotype that monks from Japan or China or Tibet have these super-spiritual experiences and uber-holy lifestyles, while Christians just have wordy and shallow prayers where nothing really happens.
And of course, the footnote to this discussion is that yes, such a stereotype does exist, no, it is not true of real prayer, but also yes, it does represent a major failing of "American Christianity" that so many of our prayers are mainly meaningless, unspiritual, and done without appropriate deference to the fact that, in prayer, you are TALKING WITH GOD.

On an entirely different note, Greg is 25! He was born to be in his mid-twenties, or so he says. :-) It was a fun celebration on Saturday; it was a large crowd that went to see "Little Miss Sunshine" with him and hang out before and afterwards. I got to see Brian and Michy, Lexie, Thomas, David D, and many others.
On Sunday evening, Bart and Josiah and I went to see Casino Royale. I'm not sure what I was expecting... but it was good. I was worried that it might be stupid like the last few Bond movies, but it wasn't. I'll admit this new guy they have playing Bond is not a "pretty-boy" sort of debonair... but he's definitely believable as Bond. Plus: Aston Martins!

My family is coming down to SoCal for Thanksgiving! I am excited about that. It'll be good.
I have much to be thankful for, as always.


To close: Caedmon's Call rocks!

"Sometimes I fear maybe I'm not chosen
You've hardened my heart like Pharaoh
And that would explain why life is so hard for me.

And I am sad that Esau hated
Crying against what's fated
Saying father please, is there any left for me

(chorus)
Cast down my doubts, please prove me wrong
'Cause these demons can be so headstrong
Make my walls fall, please prove me wrong
'Cause this resentment's been building
Burn them up with your fire so strong
If you can before I baal, please prove me wrong.

I fear maybe this is all just a game
Our friends and our families all play too -
Harness the young and give some comfort to the old

Don't let my doubts prove true
Draw me close and hold me near to you
Keep me still until the day you...
Cast down my doubts, please prove me wrong"

Derek Webb has done some music on his own, now, but vintage Caedmon's Call will always be close to my heart. :-)

Tuesday, November 14

Molasses

Cookies!

I baked them this weekend. That's right. Molasses cookies. Made by me. And they were yummy. So there. :-)

Also, Bart and Buck and myself have sort of established a dinner-on-Sunday thing which has been pretty darn awesome.

And the entropy of my Lego collection continues to decrease. It's so relaxing! And it's a nice change from the usual pattern in my life, in which everything I try to do fails and falls apart.

God is good. It's funny how it's gotten so that even in my (thankfully-getting-rarer, and no, I'm not in one now) tired and depressed states I can still be very theologically correct and really in a good place about things. God gives us no guarantees except life, love, and his presence with us - I wind up sad only when I get unsatisfied with that. But it's all on his terms, and rightfully so. I've done too many things on my own to be surprised each time it flops. And I've gotten used to falling on my face, back (as Audio Adrenaline might put it) "to the place I should have started from."
People may remind me that I deserve good things; but I don't. People may say it's just a season of my life - but history is full of examples of people who wound up far worse off than I am on my worst day, and suffered prison and death - and they were just as loved by God as I, and God was no less faithful to them - even Jesus prayed that his cup might pass from him.
So I guess what I'm saying is, I'm glad for what God has given me, and I am thankful that he's brought me to a place where my mental response to the thought "God, what do you think you're doing, have you forgotten about me?" quickly comes back "Of course he loves me - Jesus, keep the Devil out of my life." Because, let's face it, I'm an idiot, slow like molasses, and I stick my foot in my mouth all the time (metaphorically speaking)... I screw things up enough without much in the way of satan's help. But God's in the business of straightening crooked things, and making things right that are broken and marred.

"God loves broken hearts
and faith like a child
so now here I come
with just a broken heart
and faith like a child."

Even the smallest good thing in my life, from molasses cookies to Lego to sunsets to the Supertones to Bart and Buck and all my friends - all are exactly where, when, and why God's seen fit to put them in my life, and He works it so that I am healthier, more myself, and closer to Him as a result. (Bart and Buck are both blessings that are admittedly not so small in relation to me.) :-)

I look forward to hopefully being a similar blessing in your life soon!

Tuesday, November 7

Day and Night

The other day I made playlists for my iPod, entitled "Daytime Driving" and "Night Driving." I've been driving in both conditions and sorted out some of my songs accordingly. Buck asked the valid question, "What makes a song a night-driving song versus a daytime-driving song?" and I've been thinking about that. I have always just kinda known. :-)

The easiest way to explain is with examples. So here are some highlights from my Daytime and Nighttime playlists. Perhaps you will recognize the songs, perhaps not. I usually leave these lists on 'shuffle' so these aren't necessarily in listening-order:

Daytime Driving:
Listen to the Music - Doobie Brothers
It's a Beautiful Life - Ace of Base
Daring Daylight Escape - Caedmon's Call
Solidarity - Five Iron Frenzy
Holiday - Green Day
Doctor My Eyes - Jackson Browne
Just a Girl - No Doubt
Story in Your Eyes - Moody Blues
Take Me to Your Leader - Newsboys
Dune Buggy - Presidents of the USA
Someday - Sugar Ray
Beautiful Day - U2

Compare the above list with

Nighttime Driving:
Ride - Cary Brothers
Overkill - Colin Hay
Hitch a Ride - Boston
Clocks - Coldplay
Heaven - Delirious?
Life is a Highway - Rascal Flatts
Somebody's Watching - Chris Rice
Fade to Grey - Jars of Clay
Perfect Situation - Weezer
Elle G. - Newsboys
Damien - DMX
Hemmorhage - Fuel
On Fire - Switchfoot
1000 Miles an Hour - Ok Go
23 - Jimmy Eat World
Winding Road - Bonnie Summerville

The night songs aren't necessarily slower... they seem more reflective in tone, though. If anybody can find a pattern, let me know. And yes, they're all good songs, so there's that. :-)

Now you're all going to have to find excuses to hang around me in the day or night and drive places. :-)

Friday, November 3

Nightmare

For your perusal - an essay (not by me):


Nightmare

A SUNSET of copper and gold had just broken down and gone
to pieces in the west, and grey colours were crawling over
everything in earth and heaven; also a wind was growing,
a wind that laid a cold finger upon flesh and spirit.
The bushes at the back of my garden began to whisper
like conspirators; and then to wave like wild hands in signal.
I was trying to read by the last light that died on the lawn
a long poem of the decadent period, a poem about the old gods
of Babylon and Egypt, about their blazing and obscene temples,
their cruel and colossal faces.

"Or didst thou love the God of Flies who plagued
the Hebrews and was splashed
With wine unto the waist, or Pasht who had green
beryls for her eyes?"

I read this poem because I had to review it for the Daily News; still it
was genuine poetry of its kind. It really gave out an atmosphere, a fragrant and suffocating smoke that seemed really to come from the Bondage of Egypt or the Burden of Tyre. There is not much in common (thank God)between my garden with the grey-green English sky-line beyond it, and these mad visions of painted palaces, huge, headless idols and monstrous solitudes of red or golden sand. Nevertheless (as I confessed to myself)I can fancy in such a stormy twilight some such smell of death and fear. The ruined sunset really looks like one of their ruined temples:
a shattered heap of gold and green marble. A black flapping thing detaches itself from one of the sombre trees and flutters to another. I know not if it is owl or flittermouse; I could fancy it was a black cherub, an infernal cherub of darkness, not with the wings of a bird and the head of a baby, but with the head of a goblin and the wings of a bat. I think, if there were light enough, I could sit here and write some very creditable creepy tale, about how I went up the crooked road
beyond the church and met Something-say a dog, a dog with one eye. Then I should meet a horse, perhaps, a horse without a rider; the horse also would have one eye. Then the inhuman silence would be broken; I should meet a man (need I say, a one-eyed man?) who would ask me the way to my own house. Or perhaps tell me that it was burnt to the ground. I think I could tell a very cosy little tale along some such lines.
Or I might dream of climbing for ever the tall dark trees above me. They are so tall that I feel as if I should find at their tops the nests of the angels; but in this mood they would be dark and dreadful angels; angels of death.

* * * *

Only, you see, this mood is all bosh. I do not believe it in the least. That one-eyed universe, with its one-eyed men and beasts, was only created with one universal wink. At the top of the tragic trees I should not find the Angel's Nest. I should only find the Mare's Nest; the dreamy and divine nest is not there.
In the Mare's Nest I shall discover that dim, enormous opalescent egg from which is hatched the Nightmare. For there is nothing so delightful as a nightmare-when you know it is a nightmare.

That is the essential. That is the stern condition laid upon all artists touching this luxury of fear. The terror must be fundamentally frivolous. Sanity may play with insanity; but insanity must not be allowed to play with sanity.
Let such poets as the one I was reading in the garden, by all means, be free to imagine what outrageous deities and violent landscapes they like. By all means let them wander freely amid their opium pinnacles and perspectives. But these huge gods, these high cities, are toys; they must never for an instant be allowed to be anything else. Man, a gigantic child, must play with Babylon and Nineveh, with Isis and with Ashtaroth. By all means let him dream of the Bondage of Egypt, so long as he is free from it. By all means let him take up the Burden of Tyre, so long as he can
take it lightly. But the old gods must be his dolls, not his idols. His central sanctities, his true possessions, should be Christian and simple. And just as a child would cherish most a wooden horse or a sword that is a mere cross of wood, so man, the great child, must cherish most the old plain things of poetry and piety; that horse of wood that was the epic end of Ilium, or that cross of wood that redeemed and conquered the world.

* * * *

In one of Stevenson's letters there is a characteristically humorous
remark about the appalling impression produced on him in childhood
by the beasts with many eyes in the Book of Revelations: "If that
was heaven, what in the name of Davy Jones was hell like?"
Now in sober truth there is a magnificent idea in these monsters
of the Apocalypse. It is, I suppose, the idea that beings
really more beautiful or more universal than we are might appear
to us frightful and even confused. Especially they might
seem to have senses at once more multiplex and more staring;
an idea very imaginatively seized in the multitude of eyes.
I like those monsters beneath the throne very much.
It is when one of them goes wandering in deserts and finds a throne
for himself that evil faiths begin, and there is (literally) the
devil to pay-to pay in dancing girls or human sacrifice.
As long as those misshapen elemental powers are around the throne,
remember that the thing that they worship is the likeness
of the appearance of a man.

That is, I fancy, the true doctrine on the subject of Tales
of Terror and such things, which unless a man of letters do well
and truly believe, without doubt he will end by blowing his brains
out or by writing badly. Man, the central pillar of the world
must be upright and straight; around him all the trees and beasts
and elements and devils may crook and curl like smoke if they choose.
All really imaginative literature is only the contrast between
the weird curves of Nature and the straightness of the soul.
Man may behold what ugliness he likes if he is sure that he will
not worship it; but there are some so weak that they will
worship a thing only because it is ugly. These must be chained
to the beautiful. It is not always wrong even to go, like Dante,
to the brink of the lowest promontory and look down at hell.
It is when you look up at hell that a serious miscalculation has
probably been made.

* * * *

Therefore I see no wrong in riding with the Nightmare to-night;
she whinnies to me from the rocking tree-tops and the roaring wind;
I will catch her and ride her through the awful air.
Woods and weeds are alike tugging at the roots in the rising tempest,
as if all wished to fly with us over the moon, like that wild,
amorous cow whose child was the Moon-Calf. We will rise to
that mad infinite where there is neither up nor down, the high
topsy-turveydom of the heavens. I will ride on the Nightmare;
but she shall not ride on me.


--G.K.Chesterton


Needless to say, I love this guy. Perhaps I will post more of his writings - they are also free online at Project Gutenberg.