So I've moved! Sorry for the long absence. But I seriously have been submerged in things to do. It's been crazy. Running here and there...

Check out http://thefourhumours.wordpress.com/ - a co-blog of me and my 3 new housemates. :-) There will still be more personal stuff here, I'm sure, though. And pictures, soon!!!


+jordan

so... tired...

We have the new house! Keys and everything. It's been keeping me incredibly busy, this whole moving-thing. It'll be Bart, Buck, Ryan, and myself, in a cozy little house. I am pretty excited about it.

God has a plan. And a good one, at that.

And I am thankful for friends that help me remember that that's the case. Good friends are hard to come by, but they're worth their weight in gold.

home for the 4th!

On Tuesday night I flew home to Norcal for a little vacation. And it has been great!

In the last 36 or so hours, my sister has gotten engaged, I've had home-made ice cream and listened to good old-timey music, I've had great talks with my parents on everything from relationships to Oswald Chambers (which are not really that separate?), I've had fun with my two remaining dogs, I got a nice sunburn, I caught up with an old friend or two, I've doubled my knowledge of WWI naval history, I listened to country music, finished reading one of Colleen's novels, started reading Howl's Moving Castle (which is really well-written, by the way), picked up a copy of Erasmus/Luther: Discourse on Free Will, and borrowed The Battle of Britain, What About Bob?, JC Superstar, The Knight's Tale, and Harold Lloyd's Safety Last, for projectorness.

I am very glad for my family. I love them so much! I am greatly blessed.

Birthday!

Sunday was my birthday!

It was quite the birthday, too. A friend suggested that we just declare it "Jordan's Birthday Week" (since they'd sent me the card early) and, in practice, it was at least Jordan's Birthday Weekend.

On Friday I got a projector! Much coolness. We watched Stranger Than Fiction and a few episodes each of Karas and Fawlty Towers. On Saturday, a small group of friends went to the Huntington Library and Gardens, and looked at art and plants. It was great! Tessa, Colleen, and Ryan baked me a chocolate cake with fresh raspberries, and it was excellent. Also, I was showered. I wonder how many more birthdays I'll be showered on… I think it'd be pretty funny if I'm 50 and having to defend myself against my friends and family… though it probably won't be around Mudd, of course. On Sunday itself, I went to Mass again, bummed around, watched The Iron Giant, and had a beautiful carrot cake made for me by Bart and Kristin. It was so yummy! And Dinosaur-y!

And the tea! I think I had at least 8 cups of tea over the course of the weekend, all excellent. These included some real Kenyan chai and some other loose-leaf tea that I had had sitting around for a while. What a great birthday!

A song about 25!

"Are you gonna live your life wonderin’ -
standing in the back, looking around?
Are you gonna waste your time
thinkin' how you’ve grown up or how you missed out?

Things are never gonna be the way you want.
Where's it gonna get you, acting serious?
Things are never gonna be quite what you want.
Even at 25, you gotta start somewhere.

I’m on my feet, I’m on the floor, I’m good to go.
Now all I need is just to hear a song I know.
I want to always feel like part of this was mine.
I want to fall in love tonight.

Are you gonna live your life standing in the back looking around?
Are you gonna waste your time?
Gotta make a move or you'll miss out.
Someone's gonna ask you what it’s all about.
Stick around, nostalgia won't let you down.
Someone's gonna ask you what it’s all about.
Whatcha gonna have to say for yourself?

I’m on my feet, I’m on the floor, I’m good to go.
Now all I need is just to hear a song I know.
I wanna always feel like part of this was mine.
I wanna fall in love tonight.
Here tonight.
I wanna always feel like part of this was mine -
I wanna fall in love tonight."

- Jimmy Eat World, "Praise Chorus"

a new site!

Hi all,
It's been a while since I've posted, but here's something I've been up to:

Good words!

I created my very own wikipedia-like site on stuff related to God - the Bible, various books, social justice things happening... it has a forum, as well, on which to discuss profound thoughts (yours and others').

You must be a member of the wikidot site to join the wiki, but it's free, and you'll also need the password, which you can ask me for (or just tell me your username on the site and I'll give you permission).

Enjoy!


Also, it looks like we may at least be reaching a decision on where to live for the next year... but we still haven't even submitted the applications. :-p
We're working on it, at least.

God must be up to something good:

See below.

Meh.

"And the questions rise
Expectations fall
In light of it all."

Too much excitement today?

I went out around 1 to tour a house that I might move into this summer, for the next year or so, with Bart, Buck, David, and Ryan. Hehe. It was small-ish but nice; we'll see if it's the kind of thing that could work out.

For dinner I went out with Greg, Charissa, and Lexie. Pie'n'Burger lived up to its name (in reverse order?) as we had burgers, and then pie.

But now I am "home," and melancholy. How do you follow your dreams when you don't know what or where they are? Or when you do know what they are, but know that whether or not they happen depends on factors completely outside your control, and so you can't actually follow them actively?

I am one of the real sojourners here, I think - I'm just passing through, a stranger to my own life.

Some people and I were discussing epitaphs the other day and somebody said they'd like John 11:25-27, which I thought was cool. Somebody else was really nice and thought mine should be Chesterton's quote "Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly." While I might wish for that to be applicable, I can at least hope that mine may end up Chesterton's "Things that are worth doing are worth doing badly," but I worry that it's most likely to read something like "Jordan: he never quite figured out what he was doing here or how to really live."

I've forgotten how to love, how to be myself, how to just be happy. I'm spontaneous now because I don't care what I do; I make jokes now because I really can't bear to take anything seriously; I find myself doing nothing because I'm too worn and weary to do the things I'd really like to do. And I can't do the things I'd like to do anyhow.

And it's all just slipping by. My life has progressed in what looks like a forward direction only because no other doors have ever been open to me. I'm in a house that was the first spot that opened up. I'm in a job that was the only place that would hire me. I'm alone... for obvious reasons, and I'd rather not be. I haven't ever applied to missions organizations or IV or whatnot because I'm pretty sure they wouldn't take me... and I guess I'm the kind of neighbor people don't want help from - another nerdy white male. There are too many like me for me to stand out; too few for me to feel like I fit in; and we've done enough harm in the world for me to always have something to be guilty about.

Maybe it's because I'm nearing a quarter-century, maybe it's because I've been alone for too long, maybe it's because work has been a pain lately, or maybe it's because God has had to lead me along by the nose for my own good. But I find it harder and harder to be joyful. Something has to change.

Maybe new housing will help. Even with this, though, I am finding it very hard to be hopeful and truly look forward to it... something tells me it will be a hard year ahead, perhaps the hardest yet. God, be with me. Show me something Good when I least expect it; show me the life you have for me, and let that be enough.

I never figured "man of action" could apply to me

Gosh, time has flown by again. In work and leisure, much has been happening.

My boss is out of town giving his presentation this week, so that lets up some pressure from me for the time being.

And as far as the leisure activities go, the busy-ness has been very relaxing. I've gotten to go hiking on the last two weekends, up Mt. Baldy and also at the botanical gardens in Claremont. Also in the mix have been a lot of good tea, good food, and good friends. For example, in the past two weeks, I have gotten to spend time with (in roughly chronological order): Hansford, Jay, Brian, Summer, Shawna, Beth (and her co-workers and housemates), Thomas, Cathy, Bart, Kristin, Tessa, Peter, Kathryn, Ryan, Jimmy and Suzanne and Nate, Mr. and Mrs. Sarah Noyes, Gracie, Melissa, Nate L., Casey, Charissa, Lexie, David, Andrew, and last but not definitely not least, Greg. Plus, I may see Mina and Martha this week. :-)

So yeah. Whew! And yay! On top of all that, I've ended up watching the first couple episodes of Gilmore Girls (I kinda like Sookie better than the leads, is that odd?), and to cancel that out, Band of Brothers, and for just weirdness' sake, this random anime series about boxing. Also, I saw Pirates 3… and I would refer you all to the "Ask a Ninja" review, which I think sums it up nicely. On Friday we watched The Shawshank Redemption, which singlehandedly more than made up for Pirates 3 and Spiderman 3 – it turns out movies can be worthwhile, after all. But now I have to find a new reason to look at Ryan funny (before, it was because he hadn't seen Shawshank, but now, that has been remedied).

Anyhow, I blew up a reactor at work today. It was more of a problem of physics (or maybe engineering?) than chemistry - pressurized water built up in the cooling jacket - but when you're not expecting it, well… I guess you could say this week started with a bang. Thankfully no real harm was done. But still. It was definitely today's allotment of excitement and humility. Also, it reminded me – who wants to have a water-fight this summer sometime?

To close, a not-so-random question:
What do you do, when even in your dreams, people find you "repugnant"?

I don't have dreams about being embarrassed or being chased – my worst ones are true-to-life. How is anybody supposed to be a whole person when we are constantly, inside and out, being torn down? The world is so twisted, what hope do we ugly, lame, parched and gnarled folks have for happiness? God, break me completely, that I might live only in your strength and care for nothing but your presence; break my chains, that my spirit may live carefree in hope in you. And let me dream of truth and goodness, not lies or damned muck.

On the plus side, I have had some very encouraging conversations lately, too, thank God." But I will yet praise him for both good and bad conversations, both good tea and broken reactors, and both good and bad dreams – God knows what I need, and what my heart desires, and how to get me to have him ever before me in both categories.

Back!

Okay, fine, you've found me out, I've really been back from London for about a week.

But what a week!

Last weekend, Claremont folks had their graduation, and a hearty congrats goes out to Renee, Martha, Josiah, Heather, Bart, Buck, and Mina (in alphabetical order, of course)!

I jumped headlong into work again on Monday, as well. Literally, my boss handed me the memo first thing on Monday morning, and I have had very full days each day this week trying to get it all done. I guess that's what happens when you go on vacation for a week and a half and your boss has time to just think and reflect on what to work on next. :-)

Photos! From my trip, for those of you who may not have seen them yet - they're up on Facebook, but if you follow these links, you should be able to see the photos even if you hate facebook with a completely irrational passion:

London, Part 1. Whee!
London, Part 2. The adventure continues!
London, Part 3. The exciting conclusion!

Several places wouldn't let me take photos (boo!), but I didn't mind, because they were very right to do so. These included inside Westminster Abbey (So there are no photos of me with Shakespeare, Jane Austen, the Bronte sisters, GMH, Disraeli, or Queen Elizabeth I, sorry) and also the Holocaust exhibit inside the Imperial War Museum. There really aren't words for that.

But I'll go into more detail about the trip later, or if you ask me in person!
I am a little tired, and I hurt my foot tonight while trying to run with Jay. :-( I hope I am better in time for a hike up Mt. Baldy this Saturday. We shall see.

Peace to you all from the God who gives it.

Great Britain

Tomorrow I leave for London! I'm excited, as most of you can probably tell, because most of you have heard me going on about it lately. I'll be there for a week - so expect more than my usual amount of interweb absenteeism.

I'm going with John, my best friend from high school. One of the few, the proud - the guys I have actually threatened with physical violence for their own good. From discussions on philosophy to ones about movies (and sometimes both at once), he is always game, and always actually cares what I have to say. Well, most of the time, anyhow. :-) Let's just say I'm looking forward to getting to see him in person for more than one day per year (like we've averaged lately).

Thanks to Jay's help, I've been running pretty regularly. I like it.


I realize I have been silent lately in the blog-space. I have continued to praise God in all things, and am still "yet hopeful," so don't worry. Much has happened lately, and yet nothing. I will have pictures and such from my trip, though, soon. And if I have any grand life-changing experiences, I will see about conveying those as well. That'd be easier over tea, though, than written on here.


God is good. Nothing has changed about that, definitely. May our hearts continue to find peace, rest, and strength in him.

Consecrate

Fall into the world
Feel, and taste
The captivating motion.
I'm just a dog with some extra rope in my pocket
Who's strayed away

But not too far, not too far away.

Lord, you know my heart
But you also know how hard it is to start these things,
To start these things.

And after all that I have seen, I have found it can't compare to You
No way to find
Peace of mind, in a world like this -
And so I come to consecrate
Myself to You.

Eyes of elusive iridescence
Are looking at me,
They're looking through me

I found myself in another,
Then I found myself lost from You
When will I learn?
When will I trust in You?

But after all that I have seen, I have found it can't compare to You
No way to find peace of mind
in a world like this
So I come to consecrate...

Take my life and let me be
Your vessel
Your instrument
Your hand, of grace.

All my life
Seems to be a circle:
I try, I fall, I try - then fall again.
But patiently You wait for me
In the midst of my philosophy, you call
I hear your voice - I hear your voice

And after all that I have seen, I have found it can't compare to You
No way to find
Peace of mind
In a world like this.
And so I come to consecrate myself to You.

- How's Kelly, "Consecrate"



I love this song. This band in general. If you want to hear this or other of their songs, just let me know.

as usual... it's been too long

I've been too busy with living life and contemplating life to post much in the last couple weeks. I have been busy, sick, traveling, working overtime, going to parties... I have some excuses for not blogging.

But I know you will forgive my absence. You always do. :-)

I went home the weekend before last (Palm Sunday) to northern CA. It was nice and relaxing, but all too short. I did get to help my dad build a life-size cross out of 4x6 beams... that was interesting, driving in to church on Sunday with a cross strapped to the roof of our Jeep. I'll bet Jesus wished he had a Jeep.

And I got to play settlers with my sister, her beau Sascha, and my mom. No surprises there; my sister won. And, of course, she was the very image of graciousness in victory.
"In your FACE!!" - Jillian

But after that weekend, I was wiped out. (Thanks to Link for rides to- and from- Ontario airport.) I went in to work on that Monday but I ended up taking a half-sick-day in the afternoon. And, of course, I had my annual physical scheduled for the next morning. I was feeling better, thankfully, and the doctor said I was normal - but I'm thinking of getting a second opinion. ;-)

Anyhow. I've been privy to some good entertainment lately, at least. This last weekend, for Easter, we had a group get together to watch Ben Hur. So freakin' classic. I love it.
On Friday, a group of folks similarly gathered to watch a production (live!) of Hamlet. Also crazily classic. It was a great show! The actors, though students, were the best I've seen in some of the roles - the Hamlet, Polonius, and dead-king-Hamlet, especially, not to mention that messenger at the end who brought the news that Rosencranz and Guildenstern were dead. It all felt very natural, which is odd, for Shakespeare. Also, I got to see "Meet the Robinsons" (a movie out at the moment) a week or two ago. It's good. I'd go see it again if any of you want to make an outing of it.

My days have been pleasantly occupied, conversing with good friends and family, enjoying coffee or tea or beers with the same, and generally trying to enjoy God and appreciate Him more. I am thankful that Easter has come, and celebration is okay again. Jesus came to give life, and that abundantly. His death, His glory; all was done out of love for us. When will we learn that we need nothing more?

Thanks for reading! I'll post some funny things from the last few days soon, I hope. Let me ponder and get back to you.

Okay, you found me out: Charlotte Bronte is my alter ego

You can tell she and I share a common spirit, even just in our use of semicolons. She narrates my life, with a slight accent and a better vocabulary than my own. ;-)

But seriously, this part of Jane Eyre really caught my attention - is this Jane's fortune being told, or my own? I find myself in a sort of paradox; I think it'd be great to emulate Mr. Rochester (in personality, if not in circumstances), but I find myself instead sharing traits with Jane, which, while not a bad thing at all, may wind up being barriers to my happiness...

Read on! This is the fortune-teller talking to Jane:

"Your fortune is yet doubtful; when I examined your face, one trait contradicted another. Chance has meted you a measure of happiness; that I know. I knew it before you came here this evening. She has laid it carefully on one side for you; I saw her do it; it depends on yourself to stretch out your hand, and take it up; but whether you will do so, is the problem I study...
"The flame flickers in the eye - the eye shines like dew; it looks soft and full of feeling - it smiles at my jargon - it is susceptible; impression follows impression through its clear sphere; when it ceases to smile it is sad - an unconscious lassitude weighs on the lid, that signifies melancholy resulting from loneliness; it turns from me; it will not suffer further scrutiny; it seems to deny, by a mocking glance, the truth of the discoveries I have already made - to disown the charge both of sensibility and chagrin; its pride and reserve only confirm me in my opinion. The eye is favorable.
"As to the mouth, it delights at times in laughter; it is disposed to impart all that the brain conceives, though, I dare say, it would be silent on much the heart experiences. Mobile and flexible, it was never intended to be compressed in the eternal silence of solitude; it is a mouth which should speak much and smile often, and have human affection for its interlocutor. This feature also is propitious.
"I see no enemy to a fortunate issue but in the brow; and that brow professes to say - 'I can live alone, if self-respect and circumstances require me so to do. I need not sell my soul to buy bliss. I have an inward treasure, born with me, which can keep me alive if all extraneous delights should be withheld, or offered only at a price I cannot afford to give.' The forehead declares, 'Reason sits firm and holds the reigns, and she will not let the feelings burst away and hurry her to wild chasms. The passions may rage furiously, like true heathens, as they are; and the desires may imagine all sorts of vain things: but judgment shall still have the last word in every argument, and the casting vote in every decision. Strong wind, earthquake-shock, and fire may pass by: but I shall follow the guiding of that still small voice which interprets the dictates of conscience.'
"Well said, forehead; your declaration shall be respected."

- the fortune-teller, in Jane Eyre

Jordan the Politico

So I'm usually not much into posting on politics.

However, a friend of mine has been doing a lot of research on upcoming candidates - their past records and their statements about the poor, here and abroad. This deserves some recognition, and so if you haven't read it yet, it's at http://galatians210.blogspot.com/index.html.

My state of residence was disarray…

Man, it's hard to feel hopeful and incomplacent at the same time. When I stop goofing around, my life catches up to me and I feel a bit overwhelmed by directionlessness and uselessness. I cry out to God to show me purpose and vision beyond what I see with my everyday eyes. He is a good God, doing more than I could ask or imagine; I know exciting things must be happening somewhere in the world, and if they do turn out to be happening right where I'm living now, I pray for eyes to see them, and the chance to be even a small part of them.

In a similar vein, a friend has said one must wait for a heroic love (in the context of romantic relationships), a love that strongly binds and fiercely defends. This is in opposition to settling for the usual chick-flick-style drama of "boy messes things up, she gets mad, he apologizes, will they / won't they, and then they do." I could not agree more. It's an intimidatingly scary thing, though, both to wait, and also to love like heroes! I am not sure I am ready or able to love heroically, though I pray that I find the courage and strength to do so. I fear I am more the type to love Romantically… passionately, longingly, tragically, sacrificially, and unrequitedly. May God prove my fears, as always, to be unfounded.

In other news, I saw "The Battle of Algiers" over the weekend. (Don't look for it on Fandango, look on Netflix - it was made in 1965.) The review said it is "astonishingly relevant" today, and I suppose you can judge for yourself if you see it. I found it to be true, though… For a movie in French from forty years ago, it's especially surprising. Has America turned into Imperialist France from fifty years ago? I'd say maybe more so than we'd like to admit.

By the 1950s, France had been the colonial power in Algeria for more than a hundred years already. The city of Algiers was divided, though, into the European Quarter and the Islamic Algerian rest of the city. An independence/resistance movement started up and began terrorist activities to kick out the French… the movie tells the tale of the man who ends up leading the resistance movement, and the various criminal tactics they employ, and the escalation that occurs as France decides to send in troops to "interrogate" suspects and destroy the organization. I won't say how it turns out… but I will say that the issues of Muslim/Western culture clashes, the use of torture, the western power just trying to police the city and keep the peace, the facelessness of a terrorist enemy (the actual organization in the movie is mainly 4 guys, but there's 400,000 native Algerians in the city that are all suspects, as each could be carrying bombs or whatnot), and the ease with which both sides slip from their high ideals into prejudice, hatred, and crimes against humanity – all these are definitely "astonishingly relevant." And for a movie made only 4 years after Algeria actually gained its independence… it's amazingly even-handed. It definitely helps explain the current French attitude a little better. I think it should be required viewing for world leaders today.

Not much else is new. I get to go up to the bay area in two weeks! And London in less than 2 months... much craziness.

localized randomness

Another week gone by...

I was very thankful for the extra day to spend relaxing, courtesy of Washington and Lincoln. It was a beautiful day, and among other activities, I finally got to see "Pan's Labyrinth" (which is kind of like "Narnia" meets "Donnie Darko" meets "Amelie," except in Spanish). Needless to say, I liked it a lot.

Also this last weekend included some quality time spent with Dave G and my fellow claremont folks - and a great Lizst/Mussorgsky piano recital courtesy of Dr. Huang. Good stuff - I've always liked those impressionist composers.


But now, to the true reason for my posting. I believe I can truly say I've left the world a better place, after a realization this morning - namely:

Yoda quotes are the perfect answer to all those questions you never want to hear.

Let me explain, by way of examples. First, a classic -

"Does this make me look fat?"

Previously, there did not exist a good answer to this question, but now, try the following:

"Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? Hmm. And well you should not."

An incredibly appropriate answer. And, the better you can do the voice, the more likely you are to have completely escaped your untimely death.


Another example, lest you still doubt:

"Shouldn't we stop and ask for directions?"
To which, one need only reply:
"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”

And of course there are more:
"Can my mother stay with us for a while?"
"Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny. "

"Have you cleaned the bathroom like I asked?"
"Around the survivors a perimeter create."

"Have you thought about where this relationship is headed?"
“Ready are you? What know you of ready? For eight hundred years have I trained Jedi. My own counsel will I keep on who is to be trained. A Jedi must have the deepest commitment, the most serious mind. This one a long time have I watched. All his life has he looked away... to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmph. Adventure. Heh. Excitement. Heh. A Jedi craves not these things. You are reckless.”

Okay, so maybe that last one was less spot-on. And maybe these are more helpful(?) to guys. But Yoda works for the ladies, too!

"So, tonight, what will I find for dinner?"
"Only what you take with you."

"Have you seen the remote?"
"Lost a planet Master Obi-wan has. How embarrassing."

"Is that a grey hair?"
"When 900 years you reach, look as good, you will not."

"How about those Bears?"
"Blind we are, if creation of this clone army we could not see."


Needless to say, I am honored to be able to bestow this wisdom on you the faithful readers.
Remember the one rule, though, if you are going to try to quote Yoda:
"Do or do not. There is no try."

Saint Valentine has got to be turning in his grave...

Well, I've been a little subdued lately.

This weekend I went ATV-ing with Jacob, Sarah, and Ryan - it was tons of fun, and my first time out on the sand dunes. It was very exciting and decidedly un-subdued. I came back, though, on Sunday night, already so incredibly sore from the workout that I could barely walk. I'm still a little sore.

Next weekend is a three-day weekend. I'm looking forward to that. Anybody want to do anything?

Not much has been up. No changes here; I long ago discovered I do things at my own pace regardless of holidays, milestones, or social convention. Moreover, I think this stems from a deep desire to do things at God's pace... and I guess he's been slow, lately, too.

I had time to read while not on ATVs this weekend (Jacob's family only owns two, so we couldn't all be out at once) and so I'm a little further in Eldest, and also in "Of God and Men" by A.W. Tozer. Tozer is very convicting and, unfortunately, bad trends he observed back in the 1950s have not reversed themselves since...

"Americans are not naturally an unenthusiastic people... We walk faster, drive faster, earn more, spend more and run a higher blood pressure than any other people in the world.
In only one field of human interest are we slow and apathetic: that is the field of personal religion... So we find this strange and contradictory situation: a world of noisy, headlong religious activity carried on without moral energy or spiritual fervor.
The flush and excitement of the soul in love must be sought in the New Testament or in the biographies of the saints; we look for them in vain among the professed followers of Christ in our day."


Also, I had a great time driving to San Diego and back with Ryan. On the way there, we listened to John Cleese read The Screwtape Letters (yay books on tape!) and I was reminded again of how incredible that book is. On the way back, we had a very timely discussion on the prospect of being single Christian guys and how difficult and awesome that can be. It was a Good time.

Words to the wise in this crazy season:
1. Don't complain about the lack of available "good" members of the opposite gender. You are always wrong, and you just end up seeming bitter and thoughtless. Especially when you complain to members of the opposite gender who happen to be single.
2. Be honest with God and yourself, even if that involves yelling. He will understand.
3. Read 1 Cor. 13:4-8 and remember that it's talking about love for everyone, charity (agape).
4. Remember you are never alone, always loved, and eternally embraced.

"For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known." - 1 Cor. 13:12.

"If your patient is aware that horrors may be in store for him, and is praying for the virtues wherewith to meet them, and meanwhile, concerning himself with the present, because there and there alone all duty, all grace, all knowledge, and all pleasure dwell - his state is very undesirable and should be attacked at once. Here again, our philological arm has done good work: try the word "complacency" on him. But of course, it is most likely that he is living in the present for none of these reasons but simply because his health is good and he is enjoying his work. The phenomenon would then be merely natural. All the same, I should break it up if I were you. No natural phenomenon is really in our favor; and anyway, why should the creature be happy?

Your affectionate uncle,
Screwtape"

Self explanatory?

No, I don't have a cat. Nor am I suddenly a cat person. But cats do seem to lend themselves to photography and amusing captions, which I can appreciate.

on life, and sketchiness.

So here's the deal. I love God. And Jesus.

And I strive to be last.

As a result, I weird people out. Jesus says this is a normal reaction; I tend to agree.

I am the odd one out. I am the sketchy one; I have no circle of friends, no girlfriend, no easy quick answer for why I'm here or where I'm going. I don't belong here.

Alone in LA, I am not busy. I honestly do have time for you; very rarely is anybody interrupting me. After many long years that were not like this, I am happy to be at such a place. If you want to talk, or need a ride, or anything, really - I will do my best.

I like life. I like sunrises and sunsets; clouds, trees, and birds. God's given me bouquets the size of fields, paintings the size of the sky, and music from oceans and crickets and everything in-between. I often get the feeling that something happens for the sole reason that I would see it and praise God and just stand in awe. I try to make sure as many people as possible get chances to do the same; it's a standing offer for anyone who'd like to just sit or walk or run with me and just take it all in.

I like people. This is probably the weirdest thing about me. People who have mocked me, deserted me, been callous towards me - I can actually be happy for them when good things come their way. I can hold a grudge with the best of them, don't get me wrong - but praise God that he's helped me avoid keeping any good record of wrongs. And how much more so for my friends - I am fiercely loyal. You probably know this already.

God has led me down an odd path. I find myself an unplanned and unfunded missionary; a broken and frail bastion of strength; a lazy and undisciplined persevere-r; a sarcastic and cynical optimist; and a lonely and independent member of the Body. He's shown me that you don't have to travel overseas to be completely out of your culture and comfort zone. And he's shown me that for those he loves, everything can still sometimes fall apart. Martyrs and saints were only doing what didn't come naturally... sometimes the greatest blessing God gives you involves taking away everything else he's given you up to this point.

So what can I say? I'm me. No, I don't have it all together; sometimes I need to just spend an afternoon reading Calvin and Hobbes, or Calvin, and Hobbes. No, I don't keep up appearances; I may feel kinda bad about heading to church in jeans and a t-shirt, but I know God sees hearts. Nope, I don't stay emotionally unattached, that's no way to live. As a good friend and I were talking about just last night, God did not say anything anywhere about 'helping those who help themselves' - rather, he came for the sick, not the well. So yep, I am dorky/sketchy/messy/awkward/broken, and I heartily recommend it. Praise God for anything that keeps you leaning on His love and that helps you see it more clearly.

Yay for 2007!

So it's a new year. Last year, I summed things up with a dichotomy of two songs: this year I'll do the same – in my worse moments I feel exactly in resonance with "Perfect Situation" by Weezer, but mostly I feel like "Lead of Love" by Caedmon's Call (lyrics to both follow).

A lot has happened since I last posted, but now I find myself back in Pasadena, still workin' hard and trying to find things to do with my evenings/weekends. I had a good talk with Rob last night, and it was a good reminder that our first goal is just to know Christ so we can show him to others, wherever we are – discerning if he wants us to change our circumstances to do so is a secondary thing.

I was home for Christmas, which was really nice and relaxing. There was much good food, WAY too much chocolate, and I was beginning to feel like a real full-fledged adult part of the family, which is kinda new.

Then, I went to Hawaii! The main purpose was to see Michy and Brian wed, but I had a couple days on either side of that happy event in which to see the various parts of Oahu. I'd never been, before. It was also very relaxing, when the sea was being nice, and I got to snorkel and hike and see lots of old friends who had also traveled out there for the wedding. Shout outs to Lizard, Daniel, River, Cathy, and One, whom I was happy to see especially since they've been more than a thousand miles away from me for way more than a year. One of the highlights of the wedding (besides the fact that Michy and Brian are married!) was getting to be a part of a quartet toasting the groom - we sang "Brian" (to the tune of "My Girl") (at One's request here reprinted):

"He's got Linux, installed on his PC,
and when I need a cord, he's got six there for me.
I guess you'd say his pockets are full today!
Brian, Brian, Brian, talkin' bout Brian... Brian!

He's got so much memory, the geeks envy him
And Michelle thinks he's pretty, though his hair got a trim
I guess he'd say, "Green's a great shirt for today!"
Brian, Brian, Brian, talkin' bout Brian... Brian!

He likes root beer, and double espressos
And he'll stick with Michelle, through the highs and the lows
I guess she'd say, "What can make me feel this way?"
Brian, Brian, Brian, talkin' bout Brian... Brian!"

The quartet was Greg, Jon, James and myself. It was a lot of fun.

Obligatory photos of Hawaii:
Fig. 1: The view from the rim of Diamond Head Crater - that's Honolulu out there with all the tall buildings. It's a very vertical city.

Fig. 2: It rained a bit while we were there, but the wedding itself was nice and clear, and it just meant there were lots of rainbows around.

Fig. 3: This is Manoa Falls, which Jon, Cathy, Sharon, Ed and I hiked to... in the rain. We got soaked, but it was tons of fun. This close, it was hard to tell whether the drops falling on us were from the rain, or the waterfall. :-)

So I gotta ask if anybody else out there has seen District B13 - it's a french action film... with a soundtrack that includes angry french rap, and the sport parkour... it's a great movie. :-)

Lastly... my two songs from 2006:

First, Weezer - such an impassioned song...

"What's the deal, with my brain?
Why am I so obviously insane?
In a perfect situation, I let love down the drain.
There's the pitch, slow and straight,
All I have to do is swing and I'm a hero... but I'm a zero.

Hungry nights, once again, now it's getting unbelievable
Because I could not have it better, but I just can't get no play
from the girls all around, as they search the night for someone to hold on to.
I just pass through.
Singin' Oh ohhh, oh ohhh, oh ohhh, oooohhhh

Get your hands off the girl, can't you see that she belongs to me?
And I don't appreciate this excess company.
Though I can't satisfy all the needs she has and so she starts to wander...
Can you blame her?
Singin' Oh ohhh, oh ohhh, oh ohhh, oooohhhh

Tell me there's a logic out there
Leading me to better prepare
For the day when something really special might come
Tell me there's some hope for me
I don't want to be lonely
For the rest of my days on the earth.
Woooaaaaa!
Singin' Oh ohhh, oh ohhh, oh ohhh, oooohhhh" - "Perfect Situation" - Weezer


And in my better moments, Caedmon's Call:

"Looking back at the road so far
The journey's left its share of scars
Mostly from leaving the narrow and straight.
Looking back it is clear to me
That man is more than the sum of his genes
And how You make good of this mess I've made
Is a profound mystery.

Looking back you know you had to bring me through
All that I was
So afraid of
Though I questioned the sky
Now I see why
I had to walk the rocks to see the mountain view
Looking back, I see the lead of love.

Looking back I can finally see
My failures bring humility -
Brings me to my knees
Helps me see my need for thee.
Looking back you know you had to bring me through
All that I was, so afraid of,
Though I questioned the sky
Now I see why
I had to walk the rocks to see the mountain view
Looking back, I see the lead of love." - "Lead of Love" - Caedmon's Call


Here's to 2007 - may it be a better year than 2006 in all regards, for all of us! :-)